Legolas? Are you Sane?
by CrumbleViolet
Summary: Legolas goes on a killing spree around middle earth... It's out of character and not even close to serious but its not meant to be. Plz R


Legolas???? Are you sane???  
  
Disclaimer: I am NOT J.R.R.Tolkien (What a surprise) and If I was I would own Legolas.... *drool*.... but neways  
  
Storyline: Legolas goes on a killing spree through Middle Earth. What does he kill? How does it end?  
  
A.N. Just a bit of fun (fluff) soz bout spelling and stuff, hope u like it! My friend didn't?? Flame all you want!!! Although it hurts my feelings, and 'Creative Criticism' is just evil...  
  
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Legolas was quietly wandering through the forest of Mirkwood when suddenly he had the urge to kill something. He quickly pulled out his bow and arrow and shot a bird that was flying above him.  
  
'That felt good' he said to himself. He put his bow and arrow away and kept walking along.  
  
10 minutes later he spotted a goblin in the forest. Quick as a whip he whipped out his trusty bow and arrow and shot the goblin dead.  
  
'That felt even better than killing that defenseless bird' he smiled at himself as he proceeded on his way.  
  
10 minutes later he noticed a small child crying on the path in front of him. (You know what happens next so ill spare you the gory details) After he finished he kept walking along.  
  
At that point something started to dawn on him, He liked killing. He liked the power it gave him. Why couldn't he kill lots more things? He scanned the path with his eyes for his next victim and spotted Galadriel. (I know she's queen of something or other but what the hell) She turned and met his gaze, piercing his thoughts and knowing what he was going to do to her, but she didn't protest. She let him stab her to death with his two Blades.  
  
Legolas was getting tired of killing by now so he stopped by a brook and watched the water flow. On the other side of the water he noticed some beautiful pansies so he skipped (yes I mean he skipped) around and picked a few of them. He noticed a figure standing above him and looked up. A wolf was staring down at him.  
  
"Hello Mr. Legolas Sir" The wolf stuck out his paw in a greeting "Are you on your way to Grandma's house?"  
  
"Yes I am in fact. She lives right over there" Legolas replied pointing with his right hand while dragging himself off the ground with his left.  
  
As the wolf turned around to where Mr. Legolas Sir (sorry, habit) was pointing, Mr. Legolas Sir (I did it again) swiftly took out one of his already bloodstained blades and stuck it into the wolf's back. The wolf was killed instantly.  
  
Legolas put away his Blade and continued on his journey through the forest. A little while later he noticed three houses. One made of McDonalds Straws, one of Paddle Pop Sticks and the other of Bricks of chocolate. Legolas remembered a story he learned in High School (slow learner) about three guinea pigs and a wolf full of wind. He went up the first house, and said.  
  
"Let me in, blah blah blah"  
  
The Guinea Pig replied "Ahhhhhhhh!" and ran from his house of McDonalds straws to the house of Paddle Pop Sticks.  
  
Legolas continued to the 2nd House.  
  
"I have Hair on my chin" Legolas tried to remember the rest of the rhyme  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed the 1st and 2nd Guinea Pigs they ran from the house of Paddle Pop Sticks to the house of Chocolate bricks.  
  
Legolas waddled (yes I mean waddled like a penguin) over the last house, finally tiring of this game and yelled  
  
"Let me eat your house or I'll kill you all"  
  
"Oh, is that all?" The Guinea Pigs asked emerging from their chocolate house. They kindly obliged and let Legolas eat the door of the house. When he was quite full he took out his trusty bow and arrow and shot all three Guinea Pigs and left them in the last house.  
  
Continuing on his very long and tiring journey he finally reached his destination (oh shit, now I gotta make up a real plot), Rivendell (great massacre spot). Climbing to the top of the Highest Mountain in Rivendell he took out his very trusty bow and 'never-ending-arrow-supply' and started shooting things. People down below him noticed beautiful things flying through the sky, many stopped to watch, so naive that they even hoped one would hit them but when it did they were killed, boom, dead. Legolas was on a power trip so badly that he never wanted to stop.  
  
Little did he know that someone was creeping up behind him.  
  
He was tapped on the shoulder and whizzed (yes whizzed) around on the spot, aiming an arrow at the person.  
  
"Hey, My name is Mary-Sue," said the girl who tapped him.  
  
Legolas was instantly attracted to her and it was like a drug. He instantly started drooling and stopped making full sentences  
  
"Gulp, slog, whoop" he tried to talk  
  
"Don't worry, that's what everyone says" Mary-Sue flicked (yes flicked) her perfect hair and turned on her heels and walked back down the mountain. Legolas followed her, dropping his bow and forgetting about his previous high.  
  
Legolas was back to normal.  
  
THE END!!!  
  
~~~  
  
A.N. This was up b4 and got taken down, I duno what was wrong with it...if u find out plz tell me in a review!!! I'm begging u!!  
  
A.N.N (A.Nother.Note): I MIGHT?!?! Write another chapter about someone else in the fellowship finding Legolas and Mary-Sue...email me if u want?!?! 


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